How to treat people
No major caveats here. Most (sane) people will respond to the following positively, and application of such would relieve a lot of tension, not to mention increase a synergy all around.
Who are you?
This is one of the toughest statements in the English language it seems. As humans we have a tendency to group people according to comparative reference, “that which you have experienced”, in an effort to protect ourselves or loved ones from physical or emotional pain. The descendant logic tree for this usually starts out with our senses, sight and smell first, then, if that isn’t offensive, we breach beyond to the next phases, categorizing people (in no particular order) according to height, weight, hair coloring, clothing, state of health, sound of voice, etc. There are some people who also place skin coloring at the forefront of this analysis, to which I personally find no value, other than in how different coloring adds to the beauty of the human visual spectrum. Skin coloring has no relation to character and personality. Think about it, really think about it…none.
It’s also somewhat of a shame that people put value in political stance or religiousness, or lack of, as priority when evaluating potential connection to others. Certainly, there are organizations and groups whose mandate is based on a foundation of hate or lack of understanding, thinly veiled, or blatant, and it is understandable to not want to associate with them. But when politics and religious or non-religious stances are used to support or express base fear (denied, disguised or undiscovered), then it becomes a tragedy for civilized structure. The “unknown” becomes a place we place our fears. There’s a lot of room in the unknown.
The next phase in categorizing people is broken down by the “defensive” investigator with questions like, “what do you do?”, “where do you work?”, “who do you know?”, “where are you from?”, “where did you go to school?” and so on.
If the person is pleasing, or at least acceptable in the physical aspects, then people add the other questions to define potential for supporting or advancing their own personal human network infrastructure. Beyond that, questions are asked based on personal preferences, comparatively, in order to find similarities with new people to establish possible friendships or deeper relationships.
What really matters though when connecting with someone? Similarities, commonalities, yes, but what else? What question can you ask someone to gain a meaningful understanding of them?
Ever ask anyone the question, “what inspires you?”.
Now that’s a question that’ll give you a couple of pathways: flummoxed or not flummoxed.
Flummoxed:
A) the person has never thought of the question because they are not at a point in their life where they have examined themselves and what makes them “move” in this life, or they’ve done the personal work, but have never had anyone ask the question, so an answer was not readily available.
B) the person has an answer they would love to share, or are uncomfortable sharing because of how they may be perceived or accepted.
C) they have never been inspired in their life (unlikely).
Not flummoxed:
A) the person has an answer they would love to share, and do. And you gain a deep understanding (if they are honest).
B) the person has an answer they would love to share, or are uncomfortable sharing because of how they may be perceived or accepted.
Accepting a person for who they are:
I have other writing I do, a lot on the human condition, my anthropological philosophy, if you will, to be published at some future date. (Yes, it has a name, just not for release yet). Here’s a little guideline from it that will help you accept a person for who they are:
Creed of the Individual ©
I am not my skin color
I am not my parents or siblings
I am not my sexual orientation
I am not my nationality/ancestry
I am not my religion
I am not your fears
The person in front of you is an experiential individual, no two humans share the same experiences. Each is relayed through the makeup of their physical chemistry, genetic expression, or personal interpretation and response. Accept them for that. Allow them their unique expression and interpretation, it will allow them to grow, and that growth colors the world richer.
Many miles up, our earth looks fairly uniform in color and substance, not a lot of variety, browns, blues, whites, greens. As we move closer and closer, we realize there is nothing about nature that exists in complete sameness. People are like that as well. Time with someone reveals twists and turns in thought and creativity and expression that one doesn’t at all see from the package of skin and hair we are first presented with. The more honest a person is in their expression, the less time we have to deal with “weeding” people out, or into, our own experience.
Now there are people who may read this and apply some righteous indignation about how one simply does not accept evil, or destructive people into their lives. To that I say, let’s have a little common sense here and keep our “obvious” heads on so I don’t have to state the same.
Accepting a person for who they are means that you don’t project on them what you want them to be. It also means you don’t pigeon-whole them into containers because outwardly they seem to fit a certain category you or others have defined.
Have patience and demonstrate respect. Respect = to regard highly, and: willingness to show consideration or appreciation, and: admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities.
In the corporate structure (and I do have some frustrating experience here), the best managers and supervisors - and most productive as a result, allow their employees to be themselves within the confines of company protocol, safety and job description. They simply let the employees do their work - and they appreciate them for it. The worst managers and supervisors are those who love to micromanage, and who express that love to the employees under them. Micromanagement wastes employee resources or denies a person the opportunity to “shine”. Micromanagement is assuaging one’s own OCD by expressing it on another.
I could go on there, but I simply don’t have the time to delve into that particular brand of insanity; micromanagement, not OCD (I have a novel to finish after all).
Recognize and support their strengths
How do you recognize someone’s strengths? Patience, observation, and giving one the freedom to do “their thing”. When you give someone the safety net of letting them be who they are, they surprise the hell out of you with their ingenuity, creativity, and gifts - some they may not have discovered until you gave them the opportunity.
Once you recognize a person’s strengths, you can best support them by simply asking the question, “what can I do to help?”. Don’t assume you have the knowledge to know the particular internal pathways a person goes through to demonstrate a gift. If you want to support someone, ask that question, and then do it if you can. Especially if the answer is, “let me be”. An individual is such an internal exploration, they may not even know how to answer that question, but I assure you, you letting them know you are there to help if you can does wonderful things for the spirit.
Appreciate them
I’ve written about this before. This is where you showcase - without wanting to receive anything back - your respect, admiration and even love for someone. Do it. There isn’t enough of that in this life.
We’ve all been there
One other obstacle to overcome when defining how to treat people is accepting the knowledge that we’ve all been there. We’ve all felt pain, we’ve all had hardships - some greatly more than others. In the end we all want what is best for ourselves and our loved ones and we all want positive life experiences toward a brighter, more connected, future.
Because of the land I was raised in, I value freedom, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and prosperity for everyone. Because of my experiences in life, I have learned to champion and highly value the creating human individual. At our base, that’s what we are…no matter where you are.
(©Shaun Rudie 2011)
