we step boldly across each other
certain in our certitude,
rapt carriers of our ignorance
the mesh requires vines,
an interweaving of bests and
inspiration - you can keep your
ignorance, but lay, please lay
your best over me
and I will grow strong in you,
best in you
-SER
Fair is how you are to yourself — A conversation with Shaun.
“But that’s not fair!” She says to me.
“What’s not fair?”
“He was supposed to give me the same. Everyone else got equal amounts and I got less because he doesn’t like me.”
“Why are you still there?”
“What?”
“Why are you still there?”
“At work?”
“Yes.”
“Because I need the money, the insurance. How else am I supposed to live?”
“This is living for you?”
…(Silence)
“Your first statement of its not being fair; what’s fair?”
“Equal amount for equal work. If Sarah gets twelve for the same amount of time I put in, then I should also get twelve. Not fair is his giving me less because he doesn’t like me as much as her.”
“Then he’s acting naturally.”
“What?”
“Naturally. Nature. Nature doesn’t know fair. It’s a concept we humans created. If he truly doesn’t like you, then naturally he will have a tendency to lessen your benefits to assuage his emotional context. This shouldn’t be surprising.”
“But it’s still not fair!”
“Do you want to know what fair truly is?”
…(Rapt attention)
“Fair is how you are to yourself.”
…(Absorbing)
“All of life is unfair. No one is born under a special life-clause that guarantees fairness. Nothing about our genetics perpetuates fairness. We have built-in pathways, most of us, for empathy, which, in the end, results in bonding with one another in familial patterns. But there is no fairness legacy. We favor the presumption that we are all born of equal value, but are not equal in our gifts, our strengths, our expression—and this ‘not being equal’ flies directly in the face of the concept of fairness. The first one to cry ‘that’s not fair’ automatically puts themselves in the position of a victim. Perpetuating victimhood is not fair to yourself.”
“But shouldn’t-“
“Shouldn’t assumes some self-context you’re applying to another. There is no intelligence in assuming another will automatically cater to your values, or sense of fairness for yourself. We each walk this earth as self-contained creating individuals. If I value you because you have demonstrated, consistently, favorable interactions and outcomes that bolster my sense and action of fairness to and for myself—and I inspire the same in return—then we will both walk the earth together, stronger. Two individuals whose value is honored.”
“Well…how does this apply to work and my boss?”
“Speak openly and clearly without the victimized emotional context. Let him know your value. If he refuses to honor it, then move up the chain over his head. Speak your truth and value until you’ve exhausted the chain. If you still aren’t valued, then move on. Find people and places where you are valued for your self-expression, your gifts, your strengths. It is the one true way you can find fairness. Fair is how you are to yourself.
At the end of life you must ask the question: have I lived my expression truly, honestly? Have I lived it under a diminished victim presence, or have I treated myself well and with value?
Victims don’t express their truth, they demand from others and their energy is shunted to the effort of feeding their emotional context. That is a waste of the expression of life. It is uninspiring. How often does one favor the company of a victim over the inspired expression of someone who knows their value and expresses it positively?”
…(Silence)
“Stars die when contracting upon themselves; they fail under the weight of their own gravity. We too die under the weight of our own gravity, the feeding of negative states. A star extending outward, expressing truly all it is, inspires life. When it has given all it is, it becomes part of those it has touched. The expression of life continues. “
…(Thinking, takes a deep breath.) “Well, then I hope there’s another job out there for me, because I don’t think my boss is going to like my expression.”
“The universe favors true expression. The universe is bigger than your boss.”
(Smiles)
