a woman is like a
candle on a dark night
flickering, teasing, warming,
burning
and always beautiful,
difficult to hold,
contain
changing with the
amount of air you
give her
lighting your path
-SER
Disclaimer:
Being a man I have a fairly good grasp on what makes me tick, for the most part - and how women make me tick, challenge and inspire me. The following is an expression based on my own introspect of my own experience and those of other women whom I have known as companions, close friends, associates, or through distant, and not-so-distant observation.
It is also an expression based on intimate, long conversations with women. One in particular gave me the wisdom of her years and life experiences, intense that they are, specifically for this blog. Her analysis, observations and experiences color this writing in areas where my knowledge and experience could not possibly go. I value her thoughts and thank her most sincerely.
This does not claim to include all women everywhere. For the most part, one can apply the following words as prefix: “generally speaking”. There are exceptions. And some exceptional exceptions.
Women are the world
Without women there is no continuation of the human species, on a biological level alone they should be valued and cherished for that. Men don’t birth life, they only impregnate, the process of a women shapes a human being into existence and through her value of nurture, she cradles life, protects it and allows it to thrive.
Generally speaking.
Yes, there are some women to whom the word “nurture” is a completely foreign concept, and there are some who spend their life living out their own unresolved demons, bleeding their struggle onto the life they bring into the world. (Yes, this applies to men as well, but we are talking about women and their more direct emotional involvement and experience with a child along the lines of the perspective “women are the world”. So there. Take off your comparison hats for this read please).
The parallels between women and nature are interesting. We state “mother nature” for a reason. We live in this world, it provides the sustenance for us to live, the materials to protect us.
Where men put up structures we think are strong, nature hurls herself at them, continually forcing us to reevaluate our design, our structure, forcing us to strengthen and or adapt to the fluxing pressures and unseen nuances, or be swept away helplessly in the roiling onslaught.
We are different, but the same in our need to express
When one states their are no differences between men and women, well, the thought is laughable. Yes, generally, we have two arms, two legs, we eat, sleep and think, we have skin, we have hair, and on and on. Similarities abound. Anatomical differences define sex. But genetic and hormonal differences define masculine and the feminine - and through that, a tendency or not toward emotional context, relevance, and expression.
Are there more masculine women? Surely. Feminine men? Absolutely. Again, this is a product of genetic and hormonal expression. Being true to one’s self means working the hand you’ve been dealt in life and expressing who you are as an individual. When we do that, then yes, we are certainly more alike than not.
Anyone who has had sexual intercourse knows the differences between states of vulnerability. A man does not have to be receptive of the partner, or in a physically vulnerable position for the act of procreation (I speak only of what I know, have experienced, and what my female “counterpart” for this discussion has experienced. I cannot speak to homosexuality or the like, as it is beyond the purview of my experience).
Men are also more concrete in thought (one could say “concrete” is a somewhat inflexible medium - and this might even explain certain fundamental religions. One could say). For men, definitions of life fall into compartmentalized processes that build upon each successive, and successful, development before it. Generally (read the disclaimer, jeesh), a woman’s more realized, or experienced, emotional connection and nature give way to a living, mercurial state of being that swims with intuition, dines on sensitivity, and sleeps with vulnerability.
Challenge
Our differences are a good thing, if for nothing but challenging each of us to better states. The interplay and dynamics of the pragmatic and the emotional fill our world with color, flavors, texture and thought that wouldn’t otherwise exist. Masculine and feminine states invite challenge, invites growth and inspiration. It reaches into men to make them realize vulnerability and the emotional fabric that is woven in and through their lives, supporting them, nurturing them. The knowledge and experience allows them to proceed strengthened by a connection to something that is truly a part of them.
Remember the valuable saying, “know thyself.” If you don’t fully know yourself (or even partially know yourself), then your aren’t as strong or as capable as you believe.
Examples of unspoken challenge are readily apparent. What man hasn’t lifted more weight, ran further, or did things louder in the presence of a woman or women?
Competition
(Yeah, be ready to read the disclaimer again)
Women are more competitive with each other than they are toward men. Women won’t compete with a man in the same way as she will against a woman for a job. She will tend to yield more and in doing, also makes possible their lower pay rate and positions.
In this same vein, and perhaps because of it, women don’t have the same camaraderie as men. Where men can have multiple, trusting, close relationships, women often do not, having perhaps one or two they trust to the ends of the earth, if at all. If men are competing over a woman, it is usually an open expression that yields to the dynamics of male admiration for each other.
“Try your best, and when she dumps you that’s when I try” is a phrase that would fit male experience. Men admire each other, especially when one has greater skill or proficiency in any particular way - especially with physical attributes. And we don’t personally attack ourselves for not matching those qualifications or meeting standards another man we admire has. We still have qualities we are proud of.
Men will flex their big biceps and revel in their size even if we carry a big pot belly to go along with it. We still feel good enough about those big guns to get us over any other deficiency we may have, we feel good about ourselves and life goes on.
Women are more devious, preferring subterfuge and “back stabbing” to get the focus of their desire - most specifically with regard toward getting a man, but not limited to that. How many women can tell you a personal story of how a “friend” of theirs went behind their back to steal a boyfriend, or a male interest they were willing to approach? Or who verbally slighted you with a man to her favor? Not all women do this, but enough to make this statement true.
Confrontation
Men respect a physical confrontation more than a woman does, it’s in our experience. It keeps us from readily, or emotionally challenging another man when we get bent out of shape. When men get into an emotionally charged disagreement, and all avenues of our limited experience with speech have been exhausted, a physical confrontation is often next. The toolset we draw on then is a good right cross, a hook, or other practiced, or physical weaponry.
Women tend to bully and intimidate rather than throw down. This keeps verbal barbs fresh on the mind as weapons, and emotional degradation and blackmail to the fore of experience with such matters. There isn’t an immediate thought that a physical confrontation is imminent, or the logical outcome.
(Continued in part 2)
